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Awake...
"I
don't know what time it is or even the day for that matter."
"All
I know is that i'm awake yet I'm not."
"Something
doesn't seem right."
"I
don't know who I am. I don't know where I am. I don't
know..."
I
have to get up. I have to get up and understand. I need to
understand.
Maybe
this is just a dream. Some horribly twisted, haunting nightmare
holding me hostage from not only reality, but my sanity.
No...that
isn't the case.
This
is my reality and my sanity...well, maybe just my reality. My sanity
seems to have been put on reserve until I can figure all of this out.
This
isn't the first time I've woken up in a place that my brain
doesn't compute as recognizable. However, this IS the first time that
I have needed more than 30 seconds for the haze to disappear and my
memory to return.
This
is no time to panic. No, not yet...
Calm
down...
Just
get out of bed and turn on a light.
Perhaps
it's the dimness of a room only illuminated by the faint hint of dusk
that is causing this distortion.
No,
but now my eyes would have adjusted to what little light was trying
to sneak into the room.
Where
are my slippers? I always keep them next to my bed. If I didn't, I
would have even less incentive to drag myself away from comfort. Even
when I travel, my hush puppy slippers are the first thing in my bag.
Forget
the slippers, find the light...fuck, it's so dark in here. Just have
to find the switch, it's gotta be on the wall.
Click!
Nothing.
I
don't know this room.
This
isn't my room.
It's
clearly not my room, it's nobody's room.
There
is nothing in here. No clothes in the closet, no personal sundries in
the bathroom, and for sure no hush puppies on either side of the bed.
In
fact that room is bare.
It
seems I arrived to this room with little more than the clothes on my
back... which
are now neatly stacked and folded on the faux leather chaise in the
corner of the room
But
I wasn't alone last night.
There
are two imprints shaped like bodies on the mattress.
Mine
is hard and angry. Shaped like Jesus, the body language appears to
have suffered in similar fashion.
The
other is curvaceous and soft. It is peaceful and at ease with
something. I guess that's the luxury of knowing what I don't
Where
is she? Why would she leave so early?
This
isn't her place so she obviously did not want to be here when I woke
up.
There
are only 2 things in the room aside from the furniture and the double
breasted baby blue suit on the chair.
A Tag Heuer Kirium Quartz watch and a wallet with no
identification but a stack of 48,49, 50... hundred dollar bills
This
is too fucking weird, even for me. I've done a lot of crazy shit in
my life, but I could always tell whether or not I am on the right
track. This time I feel lost. I am lost and confused and perhaps what
scares me the most is that I am not in control. I may not remember
much, but the desire to be in control is one of those genetic traits
that passed its way down to me. Some Darwinian bullshit about survival of the fittest. A need to be in control is just one of
those things that I instantly know determines my level of comfort and
right now I don't feel that comfortable. I
I
feel lost
I
feel helpless
I
feel....I feel.....
I
think i'm gonna be sick.....
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